Silence...aftermath

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So currently it is Wednesday, September 30, 2020 it’s about good almost 48 hours since the passing of Emerson and I’m by myself in the quiet taking a drive to run an errand. This probably won’t get posted till sometime after or maybe even before but sometimes my thoughts get ahead of me and I figure why not just take them down now. I think about the circumstance that we are in due to the passing of my son. There are multiple Cars pulled in my driveway and along the curbs of my house all family spending time with us and loving on us. Primarily through food I will admit. But who could deny them I mean we have some pretty amazing cooks within our family, along with very close friends that have been so gracious to share their dishes with us. Now I know that right now even though we sit around and we do our best to not be consumed with emotions, that is tears, we think of memories and share stories and recipes and just good times with one another. I think that as I sit and write this I don’t quite like the silence. Do you realize that more than likely come Monday, October 5, 2020 there will be an anormously loud quiet, silence. I mean a silence in which that saying ‘you can hear a pin drop’ will actually be reality.  You see people will have returned back to their homes people will have maybe even forgotten to check the notifications on their Instagram accounts, or even their WhatsApp to see if I’ve updated the blog. You see they’ll be a quiet that is going to be deafening. And I think that is when it’s going to hit me the most. I think I’ll still be jolted by the sounds and shrieks of my other two waking me up early in the morning complaining. The reality is we would’ve had our celebration of life service for Emerson and we would’ve been showered with love in so many different ways. Now our sweet family of five is now four, and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. 


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It’s currently midnight on 10/11/20 and I sit awake, as the sounds of the dryer goes, along side the winds and rains of another hurricane. 

As I re-read my words, God knew I would actually get to this exact point. Silence. Quiet. 


The thing is Jesus hasn’t quite finished the work he had started with Emerson. His life though cut short, is going to rock this world. I have so many amazing things that I want to do to honor him not to bring him or elevate him above our Lord, that would not be my intention. However I want to make sure that his life continues to be an impact and glorify God. Wouldn’t that be amazing? This mama knows that his life was not for nothing. That she will continue to share Mac’s story and it will be pused to bring more people to Jesus that we could ever hope for. And you know what I mean never know who those people are that’s OK because guess what? One day I’m going to see Emerson again in heaven you know. He will show me all those whose lives were forever changed after reading his story. He will probably point out the people that came to know Jesus because of his story. 

I am hoping to just be in God’s word. To enjoy my family. Not taking for granted a second that I have with them. Don’t let silence overwhelm you. Fill it. Consume it. With purpose...start in God’s word. 

Silence is often like darkness. You can’t see what’s going on there and often times it’s nothing good. But you see if you are to ✅speak in that silence 

✅if you cry out in that silence 

✅if you pray in that silence 

✅if you search in that silence you will see LIGHT. I hope to continue our blog maybe share some other stories/memories of Emerson. I hope to share with you more about his siblings, Emmanuel and Emelia. I hope to share more about Jesus. I will over flood your Instagram like none other. I will not allow the quiet, silence me. Mac’s adventure will continue. 


Father God I’m so grateful for this day. Each day you have chosen to breath life into my lungs I am grateful. I do not wish to live in silence, but to shout praise for being Emerson mom, and allowing him to be used to bring you glory. Lord allow me time to cry and mourn, knowing there will be a time of rejoicing. May your will be done through me. In Jesus name, Amen

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