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Showing posts from August, 2020

Unconsolable

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  Good morning. I shout out hallelujah. God has given us a new day and breathed life into Emerson lungs. For that I count my blessings. It has been a hard week. You might say, how is that possible? Well I want you to imagine one day of chemo. Now take that and extend it for about 15 days, that’s 2weeks...half a month worth of chemicals seeping into your body with the goal of destroying cancer cells. This week has been physically hard for Mac and such an emotional one for mama.  The crying, or might I say screaming  😫😭 . This occurred during feeding sessions, nap time, or just sitting and playing. To say I felt helpless is an understatement.  "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”" -‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8‬ ‭ None the less, at this point an antibiotic has been added to help with his gut, and another as he has not run an actual fever but a few 99 are popping up. Oh and today, his g-tube is leak

Anxious...

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  I shared     a bible verse this morning from * Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7 So I only though it fitting to share of my anxiety.  ==•==•== Lately I have found myself being a bit more anxious than what I would like to be. Since Mac’s latest treatment I feel lost and not knowing what the next step is. So many unknowns it’s hard for me to plan or organize (you all know how much I enjoy that). I know that many of you would say:  ‘its okay, I have every right’. The real of it is this,    if I am anchored in Christ and I trust Him then there is no room for anxiety. But I know that it’s just the devil at work, questioning my foundation. Just as when satan asked Eve in the garden of eden about the tree of life     “Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God actually say, 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the g

Great is His faithfulness

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Good evening everyone. We are enjoying our stay at Hotel O! I can’t make a comparison to any other place but our medical team has been amazing.  Though I must admit lately some of the team members who check in on us in the morning, they just don’t know how to whisper. Now believe me I used to be in their shoes, and so it’s tricky. You need to see all your patients by a certain time to then present to the senior of your team. I think I’m either getting old, or it could be due in part to my lack of sleep, everything is super loud! I have gotten pretty good at fixing the IV pump, that means less calls to the nurses.  Can I tell you how much Emerson is just everyone favorite little guy, as he is throughly doted upon. Today was a fairly peaceful day ✅ Transfusion of platelets      Platelets  are tiny blood cells that help your body form clots to stop bleeding. If one of your blood vessels gets damaged, it sends out signals to the  platelets . The  platelets  then rush to the site of damage.

Unseen but known

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  My very dear friend, who is like a sister to me Dr. B. She shares her devotions with me every morning. It’s a thing that she has been doing, for exactly a year. We met back in medical school, and though we parted in our last 2 years, we remained close. Point is she shares her devotions with me. As much as I enjoy all of them there is a particular one she recently shared that really spoke out.  TO SEE THE UNSEEN "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength." -‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:29‬ ‭ESV‬‬ An example of faith was found on the wall of a concentration camp. On it a prisoner had carved the words: I believe in the sun, even though it doesn’t shine. I believe in love, even when it isn’t shown. I believe in God, even when he doesn’t speak.  Now I sit and imagine this prisoner. Be it a man or woman, who despite the suffering, at the hands of people who because of hatred toward their appearance and faith, still stood strong in their faith of God. Now why

One day at a time

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  Evening everyone. We had been home for about 24 hours at this point. Today’s activities were going to be busy. Emerson had a lengthy infusion with a new chemotherapy, and Elvin was to get his pin (he has completed his firefighter training  🧑🏾‍🚒 ). We were allowed to go home yesterday, as Mac had completed his 15 days and there was a desire to have some time at home with the family. I mean to be honest the hospital has become home, which is not something we wanted to get use to. Mac even sleeps better while we are here, despite the constant examinations and all sorts of noises/alarms going off.  As Mac is neutropenic   ✳️ abnormally low/non-existent number of white blood cells (called neutrophils)   ✳️ remember chemotherapy destroys all cell lines   ✳️ we have to be watchful going home, any fever and we are back Well today we were going to get an additional chemotherapy agent. Dr. V and I had spoken about this medication in the past, but had not gotten to a point that it was going

Rough night, tough Boy

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  Good morning everyone. You know as I write those words it makes me think. Is this truly a good morning in which I will just go about a routine? Or is this truly a praise worthy morning in which I rejoice in the day that God has allowed for Emerson? I think I would go for the latter.  I will be honest it’s hard for me personally to see joy in a morning in which I myself didn’t get much rest. I find that when I’m tired I am grumpy.  As of late with Emerson relapse I try to put myself in his place. I mean I have had countless prayer request to remove what afflicts him and to place it in me.  Last night Mac was in rare form. But who wouldn’t be? I mean it was day 13 for him. At this point he is exhausted, of that I’m sure. Sweet boy was crying with his eyes closed. No matter what I did to try and comfort him it wasn’t working. I mean many of you who are reading are parents. It really breaks your heart when you can’t make your child feel better, for whatever reason. I can honestly say tha

Mr Trouble

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Everyday is truly an adventure with Emerson. I mean from when I learned we were expecting him (during surgery for my broken fingers). How about when Manny told me he was having a little brother, when we shared that he would be a big brother again. Oh yes, how the ladies in the clinic would fight over doing an ultrasound to find out what we were having.  I can honestly say that Emerson doesn’t always follows the plans for the day during his treatment. There is always something interesting that happens.  Well yesterday was quite a day. The temporary line that he has in his chest just decided to stop working. Of course it stopped, literally right before Emerson was supposed to start his chemo for the day. You see at this point Mac has had two repairs to this line. Both Dr. V and I were really pushing for a new line, in the previous week. Well actually I was pushing for it during our admission after the relapse. At that time though Emerson was having frequent low grade fevers.  Well today

Shout for joy

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Good morning everyone. Today has been quite something. I am beyond excited for possibilities. Now I say this knowing that I have learned to trust in God more and more. When there is sickness like cancer and so many unknowns I’m blessed to walk with Jesus.  Emerson has been doing well, as we move into day #8. He has been  🤮 but pretty happy otherwise.  ✅ currently on IV fluids as he did have some tumor lysis      ✳️  Th is occurs  when  tumor  cells release their contents into the bloodstream, either spontaneously or in response to therapy, leading to the characteristic findings of abnormalities in blood chemistries(elevated uric acid, potassium, calcium)     ✳️ his numbers are coming down.  ✅ no need for any transfusions (he did receive platelets on our first night back)  ✅ there are no blast in his peripheral blood      ✳️ remember the blast are immature white blood cells, of which overpopulate and are the cause of AML   So can I tell you how amazing God is? There is talk about poten

Time

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“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.” ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬ I have come to realize how precious time truly is. Although we live in this world in which there is a definition for time: hours in a day, days in a month, months to a year. We create schedules and appointments with goals to be met. Since Emerson’s diagnosis I have attempted to be fai