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Showing posts from 2020

Caregiver...simple sacrifice

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  Defined as a family member or paid helper who regularly looks after a child or a sick, elderly, or disabled person. Good morning everyone.  It has been quite a while since my last post. I’m working on a post a week. That way I can share, and if it grows to more than great.  As you know with the recent loss of Emerson our season in our family has changed. Today I want to shed some light on those of us that have been caregivers.  Now if you read the definition, part of it describes a person taking care of a child. So that means most of us parents are caregivers. I mean that makes complete sense. However for those of us who have had an ill child, Mac or maybe a parent can be given the label of caregiver squared.  When I went out on maternity leave, a week prior to Emerson entering into our lives I was expecting that by the end of the summer I would return back to work. I would have my 12 weeks maternity leave and then get right back on the saddle and get ready to my doctors hat back on.

What if (fill in the blank)

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 During our last admission Definition: despite the possibility that; no matter whether. These are the words that ought not be uttered by a mother, father, guardian of a child. There is a saying “And the What Ifs are the worst...”. They truly are Many of you who have followed us for this past year. During which time we welcomed our sweet boy Emerson, and by the time he had lived 1/3rd of his life were given the diagnosis of leukemia. During this same time Mac’s dad chose to change his career path and began training to become a  🧑🏾‍🚒 . Now you may not now how there schedule is, but they are on for 24 hours then off for 48, that doesn’t include if they are needed for overtime. I say all this because, well today he is on shift. That means that I have less of an excuse to actually go lay in bed. Our other two children are sleeping peacefully.  Lately I do not  😴  very well. On the one hand I have so many things to do, and no I am not  🧹🧽  my house  🤥 ! I do have so many things on my

Ungrateful

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  *not feeling or showing gratitude; not pleasant or acceptable Morning everyone. It has been a while since I have written. I will be honest, as I have always been. My motivation for the blog has not diminished but let’s just say I’m trying to catch up. Well what does that even mean?  I am still in the current mode of ‘just being mom’. Now with that said, I do not by any means diminish this role. If anything I have a profound gratitude for the many women who have taken on this role of motherhood. Believe me there are many versions as well.  I have always wanted to be a mom, but I don’t think the desire of being a mother and the reality of the responsibilities are remotely in the same realm.  You see you enjoy holding your niece/nephew or even your best friends kid. You do not mind babysitting or picking that cute outfit while your picking up something for yourself.  The reality is this ✅ you are responsible for a life ✅ clothes are worn today, and shrink overnight     ✳️ so hand me dow

Different Route

 Hi everyone. It is about 1am and I am working on some new things for you all. I look back at the selected post that opened up this blog, when I initially started this to share with you all about Emerson's diagnosis and his treatment plan.We plan to continue to share stories about Mac. Our hope is that this blog will continue to be a light in time of darkness for so many. We hope that you continue to journey with us on this new adventure. Though as hard as it has been and will be to know that Mac is no longer with us, we rejoice in knowing that he is with Jesus and no longer suffering. So come along with us on a new adventure, always remembering him and glorifying God. In Christ The Calderons #prayersup #goMac

Something is missing

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I wrote this note earlier thus week. Our family of now four, decided to take a small trip to the beach. Opportunity to love on one another in this time of great loss of Emerson.  I often laughed as Emerson would not have enjoyed the beach. I mean the water was cold, and the feel of sand, wether on dry or wet skin. The faces he would have made! Does not mean for a second that I would not have cherished every squishy face and rabbit smile he would have given.  ✳️More pictures will be on Instagram. ==•==•==•==   Traveling. I recall road trips as a child and I tell you they were fun. I had no idea what it took my parents to get ready and plan the whole thing. As a kid you have that freedom of not being responsible for much. The general order of things at the Goodly household ✅ travel at night     -my parents worked during the day, and this allowed for us to sleep without the dreaded ‘are we there yet?’ every few feet on the highway.     -did you realize traveling at night meant less bathro

The winding road

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 Trip to Texas to see specialist  Traveling. I recall road trips as a child and I tell you they were fun. I had no idea what it took my parents to get ready and plan the whole thing. As a kid you have that freedom of not being responsible for much. The general order of things at the Goodly household ✅ travel at night     -my parents worked during the day, and this allowed for us to sleep without the dreaded ‘are we there yet?’ every few feet on the highway.     -did you realize traveling at night meant less bathroom breaks as well ✅ dad did the driving ✅ mom packed all of me and my sister’s stuff     -all in one suit case, carefully organized in those bags your sheets or some other item in your house came in  😏 ✅ all of bickering of who is taking up too much room  -always my sister It seemed only right that soon after learning our family was expanding that travel arrangements would have to be adjusted. Many of you all know that we have family in Haiti and Honduras. Now God bless the f

Silence...aftermath

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  So currently it is Wednesday, September 30, 2020 it’s about good almost 48 hours since the passing of Emerson and I’m by myself in the quiet taking a drive to run an errand. This probably won’t get posted till sometime after or maybe even before but sometimes my thoughts get ahead of me and I figure why not just take them down now. I think about the circumstance that we are in due to the passing of my son. There are multiple Cars pulled in my driveway and along the curbs of my house all family spending time with us and loving on us. Primarily through food I will admit. But who could deny them I mean we have some pretty amazing cooks within our family, along with very close friends that have been so gracious to share their dishes with us. Now I know that right now even though we sit around and we do our best to not be consumed with emotions, that is tears, we think of memories and share stories and recipes and just good times with one another. I think that as I sit and write this I do

Dearest Mac

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  Where do I even begin. I first found out about you being knitted in my womb on September 27th 2018, while going into a surgery for my broken fingers. Never shall I slam a door! I was shocked, but elated to know that our family was growing! We announced you as our soon to be bundle during Christmas. Mere-mere would tell you that she already knew. When I shared the news with your siblings, Emmanuel was sure you were going to be his little brother (remember we don’t know). He told me he couldn’t bare another sister. Well if he wasn’t right! Oh so very excited, as was Emelia. To her you were so tiny that she could play with you like you were her personal baby. We were so excited to take you home. Thing is not long after we were met with a few hiccups in the medical department. Boy did we have lots of doctor visits. You were a champion from the start. It wasn’t until I tried to go back to work and you had turned 5 months that we found out about your leukemia. For some reason I had been ke

Bye-bye see you later

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  I wanted to allow everyone to hear from Mac before he left us, letting us know that it was his time  ==•==•== Hi everyone.  I know that you may be mourning my passing. It may appear that my life was cut short. Please know that I suffered much in this world, often with a smile, in the end my body just grew tired. God knew that He had to prepare you all for a time that I would no longer be here in body. It makes me sad to think of all the tears, sadness and pain that is overflowing. My sister would tell you that ‘baby is sleeping, for long time’. My brother would remind you ‘Emerson is with Jesus, so why are you worrying’. Mia was always sweet and would touch me every so softly. Manny was always my hero, willing to sacrifice.  I’m so happy God chose you all as my family. I know that because of me and my story and how it was shared people will come to know Jesus. How exciting is that? I can only hope that you all will remain anchored in your faith in Jesus Christ. Though some days maybe

What would you do: WWJD?

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  Do you recall those infamous brackets: WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)? They come in just about every and any color, including tie-dye. I’m fairly certain that I went through a few of them. It was always interesting when, if you were the owner of such bracelet, you had apparently been given authority to correct and be the ‘moral police’. I am sure I was out and about ‘policing’.  The reality is I don’t quite think I even understood the things Jesus did. I mean at that point in my life I just imagined God our Heavenly Father sitting in the heavens, looking down to strike me down as soon as I messed up. It wasn’t until much later that I can to understand the sacrifice the Jesus made for me, and you. Death on a cross.  So even though the story is that God, sent His son to die. A wretched horrible death. I am a believer that had God wanted to he would have traded places, he did not want any pain to come to His child. Yet it had to be done.  Most of you who are reading are parents. Most of you

Day 7...God is in control

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  Of 28... Good morning everyone. I want to first give praise and honor to my Lord and savior. At the beginning of this week I knew not what to expect from our visits to the clinic, deciding to start new medicine and awaiting labs. God has been faithful.  ✅ we have had to use minimum of pain medicine (narcotics) ✅we get to prepare, and then actually give this chemo at home.  ✅ this evening will be day 7 of chemo, and overall Emerson has been tolerating      *this word tolerate (verb), defined as: be capable of continued subjection to (a drug, toxin, or environmental condition) without adverse reaction; allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference.      -not sure how accurate that is. He has 🤮 during his dosing of chemo this evening. That was followed by episodes of explosive 💩.  Despite all of this. I believe we can all agree that Emerson is a fighter and my hero. ✅ a lot of resting is going on. Thou

New plan...God’s all along

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  Good morning everyone. I want to first that God for this day, and for the life of Emerson.  At the end of last week I felt the call or need to hold a prayer vigil for Mac. Now many of you have been praying earnestly since his diagnosis. Believe me there have been valleys and mountains, and we are grateful for your time spent before the Lord.  This past Sunday we had a call to prayer in front of our house, amlong with over 50 calls into a zoom meeting. Totally setting another one up! It was a joy to see so many people, but to also hear their prayers being lifted up. Knowing that our trust in you Lord has not changed despite the circumstances. Here is the update Elvin and I have decided to move forward with this trial chemo.  * Veneteclast...read about it I know this was through a lot of questions and research and through prayer. Right now it’s more about giving Emerson quality-of-life with minimum amount of pain. Currently his blast count is over 60%, and he has extramedullary symptom

Calling you to prayer

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  Prayer is defined as: a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God.  I have anchored myself in Christ for sometime, but I have created a foundation in which I care not to waiver during this storm. I am requesting a time to come to prayer. Of course I know many of you are praying on a daily basis. For that I’m beyond grateful a I am asking during this time to have an opportunity to come together. We have been given some unsettling news as of late. With Emerson’s leukemia presenting itself with pretty intense swelling to face and lesions to skin. We are currently in hospice care as well. Now the ideal position would be to cower in fear, and don’t get me wrong that has sounded like a very easy option many of times. We are still trusting God for a miracle, for His hands to be seen at work, for a word to be spoken. All in all, desiring for Gods will to be done.  Oh we’ve come this far by faith We know that in God’s word it says "do not be anxious about anything,

Brave Big Brother

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  I am honestly not even quite sure where to start.  You see today’s post is about my oldest, Emmanuel. I think every parent desires to see greatness in their children and for them to know that there sacrifice can be seen rooted in their lives from Jesus sacrifice for them. I’ve only always wanted for my kids to do amazing things. I mean I would say I’m a bit bias in saying that my kids are truly AMAZING! So as many of you know when Emerson’s leukemia returned we had to really meet up at the round table with the medical team. The discussion: transplant. There was possibility of it being me or manny. However, the re-induction chemotherapy did not destroy all cancer cells, and increased the risk of complications. This put talk of transplant on back burner as there was a tough decision on what mode of chemotherapy would be next. That’s when we were met with the 15 day course. At this point Mac is doing amazing. Although his numbers are still down, that is a good thing, and chemo has worke