Silence

 

Good evening. I have always held my standard on being honest when I write on the blog. It would only seem right that I wouldn’t begin to deviate from that. 

So many of you, during this adventuring with Mac, don’t quite  know how I’m just pushing through. Many of you know that I’m anchored in my faith in Jesus. Though that may seem odd or just silly to many, as how could I have faith in someone I can’t see or feel. Ironically I have no idea where I would be had I not been walking with the Lord.

Today has been a bit of a blur. But I will run through the important factors

✅still have blast in the peripheral blood (from the labs drawn). 

  *blast are bad when they do not mature: currently we are in the 16%

 ✅swelling of head/bruising to eyes

  *questionably related to leukemia

  *plan to be seen by Dr. E (we have long history with him, as he took care of Mac soon after birth with the glaucoma)

✅rash/lesions on head: could be related to leukemia as well

  *biopsy (piece take for closer study to determine underlying cause) done by dermatology 

These past 72 hours have not been the best in the ‘not knowing’. As many of you have come to learn I’m not very fond of the unexpected. For me Emerson was doing so well, until Thursday evening with the bruising to his eyes. I cling on to hope as the blast are so low. These additional physical signs just concern me as to wether they hurt him, and of course if the leukemia has worsened somehow.

I’ve been silent though. On the drive home, upon getting home. My feelings being so mixed. My flesh is just straight up MAD! We are in midst of planning for transplant and this extra stuff comes up. The devil always up to no good, trying to squeeze in a lie that doesn’t hold up, because I am anchored in Christ. 

Yet, as we arrived back home, with only the hubby knowing. The joy and thrill from the kids, and of course fitting gift for Ayeya on her birthday. Do I not enjoy it? Do I pout in the corner? That would be easy, just shut myself out. Instead I play with the kids, allow Ayeya and daddy to get some snuggles. Still keeping and ear open to hear if anything happens with Emerson. 

I am reminded

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."

Hebrews‬ ‭10:23‬ 

Jesus, I trust in you with my whole heart. Though the troubles we face in this world would allow for our faith to waver, I know that they are temporary. Father I know that you have not finished the work you have begun, and we desire to glorify and honor you still.

If it is your will, I ask that you bring total healing to his body and remove this disease. We are grateful for the many people who are praying for Emerson, and their faith in you. We still desire to praise you and glorify your name on high, in Jesus name, amen