What would you do: WWJD?

 

Do you recall those infamous brackets: WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)? They come in just about every and any color, including tie-dye. I’m fairly certain that I went through a few of them. It was always interesting when, if you were the owner of such bracelet, you had apparently been given authority to correct and be the ‘moral police’. I am sure I was out and about ‘policing’.

 The reality is I don’t quite think I even understood the things Jesus did. I mean at that point in my life I just imagined God our Heavenly Father sitting in the heavens, looking down to strike me down as soon as I messed up. It wasn’t until much later that I can to understand the sacrifice the Jesus made for me, and you. Death on a cross. 

So even though the story is that God, sent His son to die. A wretched horrible death. I am a believer that had God wanted to he would have traded places, he did not want any pain to come to His child. Yet it had to be done. 

Most of you who are reading are parents. Most of you would agree in saying that we would do anything for our children (though I’m sure there are some extreme examples we may choose to bypass), overall we would do it. I have pleaded and asked God to give me the pain, transfer the cancer to my body, allow me to suffer. Often, as of late, Emerson isn’t as playful. Mostly resting or crying out in spurts. When I do have him awake in my arms, I look into his big brown eyes. I see a boy who is tired, and in pain. Yes, I know he doesn’t speak, but those eyes, they pierce right through me. 

As you know my family had decided as part of Emerson’s comfort care, that he would receive some chemo, which would help keep numbers down. This was in no way intended to cure, but as stated comfort. We are home, which can create a dilemma with being pulled in every direction with Manny and Mia. Now being at home just allows us to create some quality for Mac. We had also chosen a plant to be Emerson’s pain relief, THC:CBD. By God’s Grace, he has has been rocking it out. No narcotics in over a week. Now don’t get your shoes in a knot. If Mac is really suffering I will give him whatever he needs, including narcotics. 

However we have been working to get some higher concentrated oils. Now if your recall, some of the children in the 2 documentaries 

✳️Waldo on Weed: Amazon Prime

✳️Weed the people: Netflix 

Some of the kids used something similar. It appears that I’m higher concentration there is shown that there is a higher likely hood of apoptosis (cell death) of cancer cells. 

Is that safe? Why would you use that? 

Do you recall that for over 10 months my family and I have chosen to poor some pretty potent chemicals into Mac’s body? All the side effects and complications? 

December 31st post

Now don’t get me wrong, the decisions we have made up until this point, have been God centered and for the benefit of Emerson. I don’t expect or anticipate any push back from you as the reader. But, honestly, we don’t care (😲). I’m sharing this info, not for approval but to give you all full insight.

I have been told the following

✅ that my child’s cancer is not going away

✅ there has been resistant to all chemotherapy agents

  ✳️willing for put him on a single agent, chemo to keep his numbers down

✅comfort care through hospice would be the best 

✅he may die at anytime

  -sepsis: bad infection that spread

  -internal bleed: which could be quick and painless

  -respiratory distress: most commonly from use of narcotics (morphine, methadone) to keep pain controlled. They tend to cause your respiratory drive to diminish and you stop breathing

  -✳️ or the most ideal: my son falls asleep in my arms and just doesn’t wake up

The thought of losing Emerson, is almost unbearable. But the thought of knowing we didn’t try everything is not an option.

RSO CHECK ME OUT

So we are trying and seeking to get these concentrated oils, in hopes it may by God’s grace and His will, will help in healing Mac.

Jesus, thank you. I know that you you love Emerson far beyond what his dad or I could ever imagine. That his days are written in your book, and you know the numbers of hair on his head. Though we seek not the approval or the guidance of others we thank you for your steadfastness and your mercy in his life. If the opportunity to get this new oil is available, may you make it clear to us. May we not fear and continue to trust in you for all things. In Jesus precious name, Amen