Unconsolable
Good morning. I shout out hallelujah. God has given us a new day and breathed life into Emerson lungs. For that I count my blessings.
It has been a hard week. You might say, how is that possible? Well I want you to imagine one day of chemo. Now take that and extend it for about 15 days, that’s 2weeks...half a month worth of chemicals seeping into your body with the goal of destroying cancer cells. This week has been physically hard for Mac and such an emotional one for mama.
The crying, or might I say screaming 😫😭. This occurred during feeding sessions, nap time, or just sitting and playing. To say I felt helpless is an understatement.
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”"
-Deuteronomy 31:8
None the less, at this point an antibiotic has been added to help with his gut, and another as he has not run an actual fever but a few 99 are popping up. Oh and today, his g-tube is leaking.
So I asked for surgery to come and check it out. For those of you who remember Mac’s 2nd round was tough. He had mucositis
✳️ the painful inflammation and ulceration of the mucous membranes lining the digestive tract, usually as an adverse effect of chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatment for cancer.
It would seem like previously where it affected from his mouth to his bottom, it’s really affected his gut.
Now many of you have not experienced pain that comes with cancer or it’s various treatments. But I’m sure many of you have experienced some hardship. Something that has brought much affliction: physically, emotionally, mentally. You have been where there is so much anguish, you may even pray for the Lord to come and take you.
Often or not you will find me, speaking to Emerson of how I so desire to rid him of his pain. The mere thought of any affliction to my children is disheartening. How much more for our Heavenly Father when His children suffer.
Though I have learned to compartmentalize and be rather stoic, as my family walks with Mac, I have become more sensitive as well. Today I cried, as I learned that the young man C.B. who played black panther passed away from colon cancer. You may say, was he important to you. Well lately I have heard so many stories of people, young and old passing from cancer. Today my tears came from a place of deeper grief. Did they know Jesus? Did they know that the suffering they endured here would be so long gone in the presence of the Great I am?
Jesus, my heart desire is not to allow for any more suffering for my son. Yet I know that during this time, your name will come to be learned and spoken of. That glory will be given to you, as others come to acknowledge your greatness, power and mercy. May there will resolution to his pain, and though I may not be able to bring him comfort I know that you are ever present in the restoration of his body.
Thank you Lord for your mercy, in Jesus name, amen
Amen
ReplyDeleteLast week about 4:30 in the morning, I spent time with the Lord before I start my day. Charles Stanley was teaching from Acts 7 about Stephen.
ReplyDeleteStephen preach a great sermon about the death, burial, resurrection of the Lord Jesus. The people was mad, angry filled with hate. Not toward Stephen but toward Jesus.
Acts 7: (54) On hearing these things, they were cut to their hearts and ground their teeth at him. (55) But he, full of the Ruach HaKodesh, looked up to heaven and saw God’s Sh’khinah, with Yeshua standing at the right hand of God. (56 )“Look!” he exclaimed, “I see heaven opened and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!”.
(57 )At this, they began yelling at the top of their voices, so that they wouldn’t have to hear him; and with one accord, they rushed at him, (58) threw him outside the city and began stoning him. And the witnesses laid down their coats at the feet of a young man named Sha’ul.
(59) As they were stoning him, Stephen called out to God, “Lord Yeshua! Receive my spirit!” (60) Then he kneeled down and shouted out, “Lord! Don’t hold this sin against them!” With that, he died;
Even in death we find God's grace. What a testimony of Stephen see Jesus, but ask don't hold it against them.