Unseen but known

 

My very dear friend, who is like a sister to me Dr. B. She shares her devotions with me every morning. It’s a thing that she has been doing, for exactly a year. We met back in medical school, and though we parted in our last 2 years, we remained close. Point is she shares her devotions with me. As much as I enjoy all of them there is a particular one she recently shared that really spoke out. 

TO SEE THE UNSEEN

"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength."

-‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:29‬ ‭ESV‬‬

An example of faith was found on the wall of a concentration camp. On it a prisoner had carved the words:

I believe in the sun, even though it doesn’t shine.

I believe in love, even when it isn’t shown.

I believe in God, even when he doesn’t speak. 

Now I sit and imagine this prisoner. Be it a man or woman, who despite the suffering, at the hands of people who because of hatred toward their appearance and faith, still stood strong in their faith of God. Now why use this example? Well I too have never seen God, nor heard the many words spoke by Christ. But I believe. 

As always I am honest with you, my readers: friends, families and strangers. To say I am frustrated, is an understatement, as I sit holding my child. He is currently peacefully asleep now. Now for the past 9 months he has been undergoing treatment for cancer.  There have been great days, which is odd to say when receiving chemotherapy. There are also just awful days. 

How many times

✅did I ask why: countless

✅did I ask why not me: countless

✅did I ask for the illness to be removed: countless 

✅did I not think someone else, maybe someone who had a larger sin list, deserved it: countless

Yet in all those times the one thing I knew was that I did not need to see, hear or feel God to know of His presence in Emerson’s life. 

What the many people who are reading this don’t realize is that you have PRS: pray-read-shared this blog. That many of you are in awe of Mac’s journey and baffled by his strength and endurance during this illness. Those of you who are walking with Christ know, you see His hand working, daily. Those who have never heard, forgotten maybe or even straight up deny, may just be scratching your head. Comprehending it is a difficult thing, especially in a world of tangibility. 

My desire, despite my aching heart for my Emerson, is that he will glorify Jesus name. That you may see God, and how He is working through Emerson and  this leukemia adventure.

Heavenly Father, though I cannot see you I know your here. When I sit alone with Emerson and do not know how to console him, you are here. I praise you because even when I wasn’t walking with you or I falter you still pursued me. I love, because you first loved  (1 John 4:19). Lord I can only hope that the people reading this blog will see you through Mac. I pray for this in Jesus mighty name, Amen

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I love exploring by crawling around

✅🌡fevers for the past 2 days, despite being on antibiotics 

✅labs to determine if I have infection have been drawn 3 times

✅I have crazy 💩, my mom changed me multiple times

✅my tummy is bubbly and I have 🤮

    ✳️my tummy also hurts by my g-tube (where I get supplemental feeds)

✅I am still neutropenic (lacking any immune system due to no white blood cells)

✅upcoming bone marrow biopsy along with a spinal fluid analysis (to determine if there any blast); and I will receive chemo at that time

 ✳️more info about this to come