Resilience
Good evening everyone.
These past few days have been trying. Of course I don’t for a second want to take away from the obvious suffering and pain of my own child, to whine.
If anything it was trying as it seemed as if Emerson was not given a break. Now what could I possibly mean. Well currently as many as you know Mac is back in hospital with fevers. I tell you they 🌡 just don’t want to go away.
By definition a fever: a temporary increase in your body temperature (100.4 to be exact).
Well at Mac’s highest it was 102, that was on Tuesday prior to being admitted, otherwise he has been hanging in the 99 range with less than a handful of normal (98.6).
These almost fevers are no joke. I mean normally he runs a fever and then with a bit of Tylenol, as quick as it came it goes away. For the past 4 days, Mac’s head has been on fire but his extremities (legs/arms) are cool. The cultures (median by which we determine if there is an infection growing) have been negative praise God! He is currently neutropenic (absence of white blood cells-neutrophils) he needs those cells, which provides for immunity. He is not on chemo at this point. Top it off he is cutting 🦷!
As a reminder since Emerson started treatment he tends not to fall into the typical category of side effects. During the actual treatment he handles it so well, with so much strength. Yet, like clock work within a week he gets hit so hard with all the effects.
🤮 so much I’m not sure where it’s coming from
💩 I’m looking in creating a diaper with a very high back
😴lots of napping
😫crying for several reasons, often because of pain🤕
The overwhelming part of this whole thing at this time is that Mac is becoming more vocal, and on top of that he is on the move. This morning he cried so hard even I couldn’t console him.
Let’s just say it drew a crowd and this mama was almost 😭in front of everyone.
Not too long before that he had a large 🤮, and during the clean up session he was again inconsolable. The first thing I thought of was Christ and how he suffered on the cross. With the weight of all of our sins. I mean all I could do was pray that I could somehow have my son’s suffering transferred to me in anyway shape or form. I mean to look at him, or any of my kids when they are in pain, just breaks me.
But have I not shared how good God is? Today was better...not great but such an improvement. After Mac cried for what seemed like a good 15 minutes, he slept for a while. I was able to give him a feed through his tube, and he was in better spirits. RESILIENCE
Each day Emerson amazes me. I can see Christ answering my pitiful cries of desperation, as I see a smile across his face and babbling conversation.
Jesus, you are good! Emerson’s leukemia coming back has been a whirlwind of emotion. Anger, frustration, shock, sadness. Despite my emotion my faith is you has not wavered. You are my rock, and I praise you in this storm. May you continue to watch over Mac, as we journey during this time of healing and restoration to his body. This I pray in Jesus name, amen
Comments
Post a Comment