Thy will

God’s will. It’s a hard thing to wrap around as that means that God is in control. That you may have a desire but that doesn’t mean it aligns with Him. Know walking with God and having a relationship with Him, allows for you to place your worldly desires in the back seat. In time what occurs is that your desires align with Him. Yet, often a desire you may believe is what God wants, is not part of his plan. 

Emerson going into remission was our desire, and when it happened we figured it was God’s will as well. But, his relapse, though frustrating and sad, made me re-evaluate. God’s not done. Mac still has a lot more to complete. Though I trust in the Lord, does not mean my fears are weak. 

Listen to me

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from Mac:

I get to come home. So the day before I was discharge there was a hold on al antibiotics except one. They wanted to see how I would do for at least 24 hours without antibiotics, especially since my count was trending up (basically they were improving). Needless to say I had no fever and my numbers continues to improve. 

So my mom was busy organizing our luggage. She has everything in a particular way, so that she can find everything. 

Well when the doctor came back in, Dr. F is on duty this past week, it seemed like it was serious talk time. Well it appears that the differential came back. 

  ✳️ A complete blood count or CBC is a blood test that measures many differentparts and features of your blood. A CBC test measures the total number of white cells in your blood. A test called a CBC with differential also measures the number of each type of these white blood cells

Well the number of blast were up. 

  ✳️ Blasts are precursors to the mature, circulating blood cells such as neutrophils, monocytes, lymphocytes and erythrocytes. Blasts are usually found in low numbers in the bone marrow. They are not usually found in significant numbers in the blood.

  ✳️ Blasts are normally 1 to 5 percent of marrow cells. Having at least 20 percent blasts is generally required for a diagnosis of AML. 

Now from what I gathered is that blast can be present during my recovery stage. Remember chemotherapy wipes out all my blood cells. So in the recovery stage my blood cells are repopulating. They are not sure if the blast are indicative...I got that from my mom, of the leukemia back or that it’s just recovering. When I get my blood drawn again on Tuesday they will better be able to tell me. 

This has made my mom sad. I mean that is on top of the fact that Dr. V had told her this past week  that the kind of AML I have is bad. I mean the specific mutation I have  and the fact it came back so fast, despite my remission state. That’s why it’s so important for me to get bone marrow/stem cell transplant. 

Well I got a surprise today. My daddy came home early. From what I understand is that he was thinking of me at work and they let him come home. I found out that the doctor wants to talk to both mommy and daddy tomorrow. I’m not sure why or for what reason. You see normally my mom brings me. 

So special prayer 

Jesus thank you for letting me come home. The doctors said this round of chemo was going to be tough, but by your grace and mercy you gave my body strength to push through all the effects. Though I had lots of fevers you protected me from anything worse. My belly is getting better, and I have had no more fevers. I praise you for that. Now I know my mommy and daddy are nervous about tomorrow. It’s like being called to the principal office. Jesus may your will be done. I know that’s hard because my family and I desire for health and complete remission from this horrid leukemia. May you continue to grant health to my body and may the visit go well tomorrow. In your precious name we pray Jesus, amen