Emotions

  Good afternoon. Today I would love to give you an insight to me and my immediate families emotional state. I am more than sure, that as you read this you may be able to connect to one or possibly more of our standpoints.

  I will begin with Emerson. Since his birth he has been just so peaceful and happy. I mean he would smile at just about anything. But since his second round of chemo I can say that he is not a happy camper. Cool as a cucumber. Now obviously he is in a state of pain/discomfort, so often he is not so happy. Similar to me he wears his feelings in his eyebrows! As of late there is a lot of frowning. But today, he smiled, the sweetest smile. As if to tell me ‘all of this is not for nothing mom, God is working on me.’ Max our c’est la vie. 

  Emelia, or as we like to call her Mia/Mimi/Mama Mia. I think she is our back bone. I mean ironically because she is my ‘I say no and stop to everything.’ She has been the one to hold course the most. She continues to be independent and desires to show you all the things she is capable of. It’s not a big thing that I’m away at the hospital or that baby Emerson has all sorts of wires and tubes in him. She often asks for me, but is being dotted upon, and for that I’m grateful. Emelia our stronghold. 

Emmanuel, well I have always known he is my sensitive one. He looks just like me, and tends to cry very easily. Interestingly enough I was the same as a child. When Manny found out that we were expecting another baby, he stated very clearly that his new baby was a baby brother. He was adamant that we were having a boy. Now many of you know I did not find out the sex of any of our children, so I wasn’t sure how he would react if we had a girl. Anyway he does understand, somewhat that his brother is sick, and he misses him. Well last night he had an emotional break. There was a realization that Emerson is sick, and that I too have to be in hospital with him. My poor guy just released a bucket of tears. My husband attempted to reassure him of the situation. He was at a point un-consolable. It was explained to him that it’s okay to feel sad, and that tears are good. I know that he loves his baby brother so much. 

Hurt my heart to know that he was feeling this way, but I was blessed that my husband took time to talk and let him know that it’s okay for him to have those feelings. Manny our kind soul

  Elvin has surprised me. I mean he has really stepped up his game in the title of being daddy. He has gone above and beyond his duty as daddy with making sure the kids are well entertained. From ✅building a box car for manny with lights 

✅to working in building shelves for the kids. 

✅home depot runs for the next project, or better yet a craft for the kids

✅park

✅museum

✅managing naps with both kids in our bed

To top it off he is with kids all day! Superdad! God made Elvin so very unique, I think just for me. I mean he too is sensitive, which is just amazing because the kids are able to see that. Also he has such a sense of humor, that he can manage to make me smile during this dark time. Elvin is full of humor 

As for me, well I’ve been a rock. Well that’s what you may see from the outside. Now don’t get me wrong, I have not problem expressing my emotions or feelings. Now it has been hard to even understand why I’m not crying every second. I mean I have moments of rushing emotions. I also have come to believe that God has just given me a sort of peace in this situation, and for that I’m grateful.

I know what a weird topic, but I’ve often been asked how I’m feeling. I’m often left with ‘ I am doing alright, God is sustaining us’.  So I figured to let you into a small window of our world.

Father God thank you for tears. Thank you for the pouring out of our tears. In times of joy, frustration and even anger. I am grateful for all the characteristics of my loved ones, and how we express our emotions. Lord may you continue to grant us strength and pour out endurance and healing on emerson. In Jesus name, amen

Ps. Update on Mac and all the testing tomorrow
*please leave a comment and let us know which one of my family members are you most like