Frustrated mama
Good morning. As I sit next to Emerson as he wrestles to get back to sleep, I yearn for calmness to pour over him. Yesterday was a bit overwhelming and honestly frustrating. I mean I’ve been doing fine as far as being held up at this luxury hospital 🙄. Don’t get me wrong the service has been wonderful. Well it’s just that things weren’t going to plan for Emerson.
You see each day the medical team, along with their attending (head doctor in charge of your care during your admission), gathers around and talks about what has happened, what they desire to happen and all the diagnostic results (labs, imaging) that has led them to the conclusion. As you all know Mac doesn’t follow the rules. His white blood cell count was still not rising as expected and his electrolytes were whack, top that off with the fact that he started to refuse his bottle 😩.
At this point I’m just feeling like we take a few steps forward to go right back to where we were. On top of that with the transition of the pain medicine, he was fussing, and I just couldn’t console him. It sort of threw me back a few months, prior to diagnosis of leukemia, when he would cry, inconsolably and I didn’t know what to do.
Well the transition between pain meds began; and well as you read earlier he experienced some significant experience. He is currently still on ‘high flow’ air, and doing well with that. Thing is he is connected to a monitor in the room and I can see his vitals, well there went my sleep. Mama Rosa and I would be up several times during the night.
Now in the gloom of things, this champion rock star managed to drink 3 ounces of milk, three times throughout the night. I mean can I say that I am one proud mama, that despite all the other chaotic things going on in his body he was hungry. But honestly I was reminded this morning with my fighter verse (app, that allows you to memorize scripture).
*I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. --Psalm 121:1-2
*I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. --Psalm 121:1-2
The reality is, I can stay up all night, pace the floors, do everything, but if I truly trust in Christ I must know that he has not forsaken me nor my son. That as I hold Mac in my arms, well Jesus is holding us both.
Are you in His hands: click to find out
Are you in His hands: click to find out
It's okay to be frustrated. We are in heavenly places, but we still here on earth in this body of clay. Heaven is for certain to everyone that believe. The Word is assurance, comfort, sustains, unshakeable, sovereign and it's alive. (David a man that God says a man after God's own heart 1 Samuel 13:14)
ReplyDeleteHe was frustrated as well.
Psalms 22:(1) My God! My God!
Why have you abandoned me?
Why so far from helping me,
so far from my anguished cries?
(2) My God, by day I call to you,
but you don’t answer;
likewise at night,
but I get no relief.
(3) Nevertheless, you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Isra’el.
(4) In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted, and you rescued them.
(5) They cried to you and escaped;
they trusted in you and were not disappointed.
(6) But I am a worm, not a man,
scorned by everyone, despised by the people. (7) All who see me jeer at me;
they sneer and shake their heads:
(8) “He committed himself to Adonai,
so let him rescue him! Let him set him free
if he takes such delight in him!”
(9) But you are the one who took me from the womb, you made me trust when I was on my mother’s breasts. (10) Since my birth I’ve been thrown on you; you are my God from my mother’s womb.
(11) Don’t stay far from me, for trouble is near; and there is no one to help.
(12) Many bulls surround me,
wild bulls of Bashan close in on me.
(13) They open their mouths wide against me, like ravening, roaring lions.
(14) I am poured out like water;
all my bones are out of joint;
my heart has become like wax —
it melts inside me;
(15) my mouth is as dry as a fragment of a pot, my tongue sticks to my palate;
you lay me down in the dust of death.
(16) Dogs are all around me,
a pack of villains closes in on me
like a lion [at] my hands and feet.
(17) I can count every one of my bones,
while they gaze at me and gloat.
(18) They divide my garments among themselves; for my clothing they throw dice.
(19) But you, Adonai, don’t stay far away!
My strength, come quickly to help me!
(20) Rescue me from the sword,
my life from the power of the dogs.
(21) Save me from the lion’s mouth!
You have answered me from the wild bulls’ horns.
(22) I will proclaim your name to my kinsmen; right there in the assembly I will praise you:
(23) “You who fear Adonai, praise him!
All descendants of Ya‘akov, glorify him!
All descendants of Isra’el, stand in awe of him!
(24) For he has not despised or abhorred
the poverty of the poor;
he did not hide his face from him
but listened to his cry.”
(25) Because of you I give praise in the great assembly; I will fulfill my vows
in the sight of those who fear him.
(26) The poor will eat and be satisfied;
those who seek Adonai will praise him;
Your hearts will enjoy life forever.
(27) All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to Adonai;
all the clans of the nations
will worship in your presence.
(28) For the kingdom belongs to Adonai,
and he rules the nations.
(29) All who prosper on the earth
will eat and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him,
including him who can’t keep himself alive,
(30) A descendant will serve him;
the next generation will be told of Adonai.
(31) They will come and proclaim
his righteousness to a people yet unborn,
that he is the one who did it.
Let the church say AMEN from Ms Sheryl
ReplyDelete