3 out of 3: being @ peace

  Today Emerson had a scheduled intrathecal, into the spine, chemo session, along with removal of spinal fluid, for some testing. This would technically be his third injection. The tricky part is that his previous procedures were medically considered ‘traumatic tap’. This basically means that when the needle was inserted, the fluid that was retrieved had blood present. Now that doesn’t stop them from testing the fluid and giving Mac his chemo. Dr. V basically wanted a ‘clean tap’, so that there was no blood present. Now in order to to do that, Emerson needs to be really still. Now how exactly do you get a 5 month old, whom your squeezing and folding to arch his back (like an accordion) to lay still? The request to sedate him was made, and with that means that I would have to give a final feeding to him, early morning until the procedure was complete.

  If you can believe starving my little guy is not hard enough, but I hadn’t anyone coming in, until later. That meant I was solo, trying to console a baby who could literally smell his meal! 

Mac was so upset he literally fell asleep after several moments of crying. As I awaited the arrival of my sister, my wonderful husband heard my plea as I felt overwhelmed.

Of course I in solidarity chose not to eat either, poor kid I didn’t want to create any tension. I mean I was asking Jesus to let the team come and get him, every time I heard someone by the door. My heart ached for him.

They finally called us down almost 7 hours after being asked not to eat anything. Once we arrived and the anesthesiologists took him, I returned to the room. The procedure appeared to be done in 15 minutes, maybe it took longer. Now I high tailed it downstairs, almost crashing into DR. V who let me know of the following:

✅clean tap

✅not planning on sedating him again; handled the medication well

✅he was HANGRY

  He handled it like a champ. He managed to take a nap while we had some visitors (Turners), and currently is sleeping in his crib, not connected to any medication at the moment. 

Now I’m sure as you read you could imagine my frustration, I mean time was going and no procedure yet. As I silently asked Jesus to give me patience as I worried about my hungry little guy. It reminded me how easily flustered I tend to get. For example driving to work and stuck in traffic and talking to the car ahead of me, as if they can hear me, to hurry then along. Or hurrying my daughter along as we go up or down the stairs, with no perception to time, just taking her time. 

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

John‬ ‭16:33‬‬

Often I’m not filled with peace but anxiety of what’s to come up next. As I waiting, somewhat impatiently for my so to go to his procedure, I realize that because I am flesh and live in this world there will always be times of being anxious, inpatient, overwhelmed, TRIBULATIONS 

  Your 5 month old son being diagnosed with leukemia. 

I am then called by the Holy Spirit to remember the sacrifice that God made when he sent His son Jesus. In all of holiness Christ took it upon himself to carry the burden of our sins. Now that didn’t mean our lives were going to be easier. It did mean we had hope in something bigger than what we could do on our own. 

Jesus, help those who are not at peace. Who only see tribulations all around them, and cannot understand why. May they be given peace that this world is temporary, and through your death and resurrection you overcame sin. May you grant peace into my life during this time of illness. In your mighty name Jesus, we say Amen.