Cancer be gone!

Can I tell you that not a moment goes by that I have not come to loathe cancer and all of it’s wickedness. Though I’m not to fond of the medications that are used to treat, I can at least say that some things despite the effects are meant to do good. 

*side note: it’s like you sitting there with the slice of cake or cup of ice cream, it taste delicious but you forget the cost to your health (sugar issues, weight gain) 

I’ve been given this enormous binder with all sorts of information about AML, the process of diagnosis, treatment, recovery etc. I even have this app, called epocrates, I use it at work all the time, it’s basically a source to search medications (use, effects, way its processed etc). Our social worker is getting our information out to different foundations so that we can have an even larger net thrown for support. 

Now you can look back on previous post that Emerson’s first week was rough. I had such high hopes with these past few days of Mac doing well. Well last night was my reality. I’ve seen sick  kids during my trip to PNG: malnutrition, infections of all sorts, burns, seizures. I just never imagined that my child would be ill, connected to lines. Last nights there was a lot of vomiting, so much so that there was 5 outfit changes, well 7 including two for me. Lots of cuddling, primarily in my lazy boy recliner, with a towel under and over him and on the floor. There was the wretched fever that decided to return. No need to culture just yet, as it is thought to be due to his last intrathecal chemo. Despite all the vomit and fever Emerson managed to smile a few times. 

As I sat holding and rocking this sweet boy I thought of the many sleepless nights we both had just weeks to his diagnosis. Mac, would fuss and whine, unable to sleep unless I held him. It could have been his way of telling me something was not right. Of course I made additional visits to doctors including the ER. There were a lot of tears as I looked at Emerson and he smiled back. So much going on in his body and yet he smiles. 

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,"

-‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:17‬‬

If I could only take this affliction Mac has and. I know all of this will be fleeting one day  but in the moment it’s gut wrenchingly painful. 

Now as those words come from my heart to this page, it’s a great reminder that even in all of his holiness and power that Jesus, being of flesh, but fully God, the night he was betrayed pleaded that He wouldn’t have to die. 

“And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."

-‭‭Matthew‬ ‭26:39‬‬

So I say this

Jesus, if even in all your greatness you did not desire to suffer, I know that you do not desire for Emerson to. May this illness be yet a temporary, passing affliction. May you give him strength and grant rest to his body and not allow for him to hurt. Lord I know that you have the power, grace and mercy to grant this. In Jesus name,Amen.