Yucky day: II-ANCHORED

What is your faith anchored in?

Well his Jesus has some disciples, whom he hand picked, and still doubted at times. Now Jesus could have just kicked him out of the crew? No he just continued to do God’s work, because Christ new who would truly be faithful to him.

We have had some storm days so to speak. As you recall Emerson allowed you all to peak into the days as he experienced it. Well I can say this, me as his mother, though I may not be experiencing the physical struggles that Mac is going through, these past days have been an ordeal.

I know for many of you reading I have been optimistic, and standing ground on my faith. Don’t get me wrong that has not wavered. I would say that my moments are when my flesh is weak:

✔️I’m tired, and just want to sleep

✔️I’m hungry, wishing I had 1 more arm (mostly to get a cup of coffee)

✔️moments when I would love to sit with another adult and talk about taking Christmas pictures with my kids, and not what the plan for the day is.

The reality is this: 

✅changing diapers with gloves, and disposing them in a special container

✅being reminded that his skin is super sensitive and irritated

✅bathing my child with cleansing wipes, rather than a warm bath with the my other kids

✅telling him I’m sorry, without balling in tears

✅washing another load of clothes (mostly bodily fluids, otherwise just trying to keep germ count down)

✅leaning him over my leg as he wretches and vomits

✅covering his head with a cold cloth, him hoping to help with the the fevers that won’t go away

✅giving him his oral medication, a drop at a time, otherwise he chokes and vomits 

Today Mac was supposed to receive his fourth lumbar puncture with and injection of chemo. To catch you up, he needs 3 normal LPs, and then we can hold off on the intrathecal chemo until the second cycle of chemo is warranted. At this time he has had 2 normal ones. So with all the fevers and vomiting this weekend, the team has decided to forgo the chemo today and push it back to end of the week. 

That has been my days with my little man. Now during these moments though fleeting, Emerson smiles at me, despite the discomfort. So you see my weakness is nothing in comparison to what Mac is experiencing. So no, I’m not trying to hide my emotions. Am I sad or mad? Sure. To be honest I am constantly trying to smile and laugh with my little boy. Though I do not know what his little brain is processing, I do know that what I want him to remember.  

My face next to his, so he can smell me. My voice talking to him. My smile as he looks at me. My touch on his little arms and legs, in hopes that he will give me a laugh (more like a pig squealing).

At this moment I’m just praying for a healthy next 2 days. As we prepare to have some of my loved ones for thanksgiving. Though, I’m sure your wondering if everyone is going to fit into our suite, the blessing is that there is a space that will accommodate us. 

My reality is that my baby boy has lived most of his 5th month of life in a hospital. Though I may have my emotions my faith is anchored in Jesus. 

Father in Heaven, thank you for allowing rest from any procedures. For the fever that has managed to be kept at bay. For the rest you gave to his mother, so that she may tend to him better. Lord may your presence be made despite the storm, and may those who do not know you Jesus, come to be anchored in you. Amen