Mac...our little conundrum

So it has been less than a week since the dreaded "C" word edged its way into our lives.  I would have never imagined that I would have a child that in the past soon to be 6 months of his life, would have been to the ER 3 times, had countless clinic visits with specialist along with multiple labs and imaging.  I can admit that since having my second child, Emelia, I have dealt with anxiety. The initial anxiety was more like a PPD (post partum depression), which took me a while to admit to. Currently I have been given the opportunity to basically hold my breath, as all the specialist attempt to figure out what is going on.

I am reminded of Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In the meantime life of the mother of 3 life is still moving. Many of you all may have participated in Halloween. I will admit I am not into the ghouls and scary stuff, but these two are just adorable. Despite the cold they truly enjoyed themselves, as their father and I have been very grateful for our delicious midnight treats.

 One firefighter and a unicorn (many of 

of you know that pictures like these are truly priceless)

Now I seem to get my best work done, hence why it is 11:28 and I am updating everyone.

I apparently get my best work done in the late hours of the day. So Mac's day was pretty productive. We woke up from a fairly sleepless night. So since his ER visit for febrile illness the sleeping situation has been a struggle. He is so fussy, that the couch and baby wearing is the only way he will sleep. The plan was to see two specialist today, so after getting ready and brewing a wonderful cup of coffee, grand-pere was picked up to go on our visits.






Surgeon: has no idea what the mass could be, but for sure not a hernia. MRI on thursday
Hem/Onc: had actually taken time to review his chart and all the visits. THANK YOU! He was a bit stumped with the groin mass and the visual issues. He does not think that there is correlation.
DDX: Hemangioma vs Germ Cell Tumor vs Rhabdomyosarcoma vs Vascular Issue
After reviewing his labs, there was concern that Emerson was/is neutropenic

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neutropenia

 I have calculated absolute neutrophil counts so many times in residency, that my heart literally sinks. So labs are drawn again, some that are still pending, but once again LEUKEMIA is thrown into the mix of diagnosis.
Often times I do not understand my children's persistency with anything, but right now the not knowing is nerve racking. I will admit it is harder as I have given bad news to patients, and now I am on the other end.

Prayer: Father God thank you for the breath of life that you poured into Emerson's lungs today. I know that despite our need to control so many aspects of our lives it is important to keep our eyes fixed upon you. May you give all the specialist wisdom and guidance as they seek to determine his health status. I believe that Emerson will be used for your glory. Amen